Supersize Me

Eventually, the city of Edina, Minnesota will be completely torn down and rebuilt.  That's sad.

For those that don't know, Edina is a very wealthy suburb on the southwest side of Minneapolis.  I went to high school in Edina and lived there for two years.  It's a very nice community, the kind of nice which only a wealthy tax base can provide.  New schools, clean parks, not a pot hole to be seen; even back in the middle 80's it was a different, insulated upbringing, one you didn't realize was so unusual until you spent time away from it.

This last week, I've been having to drive my daughters to day camps in Edina, one at the Edina Center for the Arts and the other at the old Edina East High School, which is the Edina Community Center today.  It has given me the opportunity to drive some of the old neighborhoods from my youth, and what I saw was amazing.

I'm not sure when the "keeping up with the Jones'" mentality got ramped up on steroids, but it seems to have spiraled out of control in the early 2000's.  When I went to Edina High School in the 80's, hardly any kids went to private school.  You didn't need to, as Edina, like most Minnesota schools, was exceptional, well funded to say the least.  Not today.  Half the houses I drove past had a private school signs in their lawns, bragging about how their kid went to Minnehaha Academy, or Holy Angels, or Blake.  These people live in probably the best school district in the state, constantly in the top 3 for the last 40 years, but apparently it's not good enough for them.  Nothing against the private schools, as they're a top notch education, but in Edina, there never used to be a need for a private school.

The parks were mostly empty.  I've noticed this trend in wealthier communities over the last 10 or so years; fewer and fewer locals using the public parks and beaches.  In some cases, the pristine and manicured park land is untouched but for a handful of individuals on any given day.  All the Edina parks I drove past this week, outside of one where a day camp for baseball was going on, were empty.

But it was the houses which really floored me.  Having gone to Edina, I knew people who lived in almost every neighborhood.  The houses back then weren't small, usually around 2000 to 2500 square feet.  They were upper middle class, with the homeowners still mowing their own laws, managing a vegetable garden in the back, and kid's toys strewn about.  The houses felt lived in, with the sounds of a healthy neighborhood everywhere you went.

Today, it's a very different story.  The rise of the McMansions in Edina has been tragic, but with a city council unwilling to reign in the wealth, it's becoming an incurable epidemic.  What was first the Indian Hills neighborhood, then the Sunnyside, then the Interlachen, then 50th and France, is now everywhere.  Every neighborhood in Edina is now infested with new houses, where a developer has ripped out the old house and built a four to five thousand square foot monster in it's place, stretching from property line to property line.  The quaint neighborhoods of my youth gobbled up by property investors who scoffed at the old rube residents, mocking their ignorance of the true value of the land they raised their kids on.

For the record, the houses (for the most part) seem very nice.  They look well maintained, near pieces of art, with the crispiest lines, most modern styles.  The lawns are straight from a golf fairway, perfect and clean, no weeds visible, no blade higher than it's brothers.  The gardens are exquisite, with lush beautiful flowers in rolling sculpted beds.  The driveways gleaming white, spotless, with no cars visible.

After driving these streets for the last few days I realized what makes me uncomfortable about Edina; it feels fake.  It's nice, but fake.  The houses aren't meant for living, but rather for showing off, more designed for the Midwest Living or Architectural Digest centerfold spread the owners are craving to do.  The grass, as friendly and welcoming as it looks, is not meant for bare feet, as that would ruin the esthetic.  There isn't a tree, rock or relief which is natural to the lot, instead they're designed like a model train set.  Very few people mow their own lawn or maintain their own gardens in Edina anymore, choosing to hire landscaping companies who employ muscular 20-somethings, most without a shirt, who seem more interested in trying to manicure the lonely housewives and house husbands, who watch them like hungry wolves from their big bay windows.  The gardens present themselves more like office building flower pots.

And there are no kids.  None.  I've seen maybe five this week.  No toys in the yards, no chalk drawings on the driveway, no bikes by the front doors, nothing.  And quiet, no laughing, crying.  Not even a peep.  It's like someone built these houses, hoping eventually someone would move into them.

Add in the numerous signs of warning (locals only, police monitored, no loitering), and it was downright unwelcoming.  Every house has at least three or four private security signs, warning of the laser beams which will cut you to tiny pieces if your dog even thinks about lifting a leg towards the property. One street had a 'No Outlet" sign which was a lie.  I remembered the street from my youth.  I tried it and the road still cuts through, but I guess they're concerned about undesirables.

It was nice to look at, to a point, but since I'm not impressed by people trying to impress for the sake of their own gratification, it's lost on me.  Eventually the entire city of Edina will be torn down and rebuilt, with row after row of massive estates, all trying to one up everyone around them.  My guess is someone one will eventually start tearing down two of these mansions, replacing it with a 10000 square foot atrocity.  Even when the final original 'small' houses are left, not even the Edina Historical Society will stand in the way.

Top notch schools the residents avoid, gorgeous parks rarely utilized and cold, massive palaces for you to look at, but never touch.  I guess you can't stop 'progress.'