Locker Rooms

Last Friday, an incredibly offensive video from 2005 emerged from Donald Trump, the Republican nominee for President, where he describes his propositioning, belittling, intimidating and sexual assaulting of women, including married women, to entertainment reporter Billy Bush, a conversation both seemed to be very proud of at the time it was being recorded.  This conversation was recorded when the microphones these two jackasses were wearing were still live, but the cameras were off.

Trump's primary defense of these comments is that he and Bush were only partaking in 'locker room talk,' implying this is some sort of acceptable conversation when men are alone in locker rooms.  Setting aside the asinine thought process this kind of conversation would EVER be acceptable, regardless of location or gender makeup of the crowd (BECAUSE IT'S NEVER ACCEPTABLE!), it does give me an opportunity to clear up some misconceptions and cliches which are being perpetrated by a sexual abuser running for office.  Let me explain what happens in men's locker rooms.

Locker rooms are not some venue where the male only environment perpetrates lewd and disturbing conversations.  It's not like men love going into locker rooms, because, "even though I'm a doctor, husband, church leader, and father, I can't wait to talk about the hot bod on the chickie poo I saw in my office the other day!"  Locker rooms are usually very quiet, with everyone keeping to themselves.  Men don't talk to each other in locker rooms, and when it does happen, especially when it's a complete stranger, it's awkward and uncomfortable.  Why are you talking to me as I'm naked, taking a shower?  If it does happen, it's almost always a sports related conversation, but frankly, most will shy away from neutral communication in a room full of naked, or partially clothed, men of varying ages.  It's really not acceptable.  It's like striking up a conversation with the guy the next urinal over.  This isn't the place most men are looking to make friends.

But yes, when men get together in a male only group, regardless of whether it's in a locker room, hunting cabin, or just going out drinking for the night, a small percentage of men will think it's a safe environment to talk about women, minorities, or other religions in a derogatory way.  It's not acceptable, and when it does happen (usually due to the intake of liquor), the rest of the group usually tells the fool to shut up.

I was at the Ridgedale YMCA a few years back, in a male only group of white men in the weight training area, when an older gentleman, I'm guessing around 60, started in on why the NFL were fools to allow black men to be quarterback, as he insisted African Americans lacked the physical ability to do so.  There's no way I was going to let this racist attack go unchallenged, and I proceeded to dismantle his uneducated argument point by point, finishing him off with by telling him, "if I ever hear you say anything else so bigoted and inappropriate again, I would report you to Y management."  I never saw him again.  Three other men came up after I confronted him, saying thanks for knocking him down, insisting they were about to do the same.

Most men, regardless of location or group gender make up, are decent people who don't tolerate jackasses.

The kind of man who makes derogatory and demeaning comments about women, or other races and religions, usually has some specific characteristics.  They're usually described as 'from humble backgrounds,' which is better translated as 'not too intelligent, lacking confidence, lacking basic social manners and desperately looking for some coveted acceptance and admiration from their peers.'  They usually walk into conversations feeling inferior, aware of their limited social skills, so their bragging about sexual conquests is a foolish attempt to impress men they feel inferior too.  They don't understand most men aren't impressed by such bluster and boasting, and are actually offended by the inappropriate conversation.  When they go after minorities or religious beliefs, it's usually because of the false assumption, "since it's a room full of white Christians, they clearly must all agree with me!" No, we don't.

I should mention this also seems to be the feeling at most GOP rallies and events today.  "We're in safe company so enough about this PC culture crap!"

It's funny these people don't realize most men can see through this false bravado.  Real men don't need to brag about their sexual prowess or conquests.  My experience is the only people who do are lying.  It's the Canadian Girlfriend paradox.  If you're telling us how great your sex life is, most of us know you're making it up.  People who have satisfying sex lives and interesting sexual experiences don't ever talk about them.  They don't need to.  When I see Trump's tasteless grandstanding, wether a real life accounting of his illegal and immoral lecherous behavior or a completely fabricated story of him bragging about assaulting women, I see a guy pathetically attempting to impress other men.  Let that sink in for a second.  By the way, the only thing more pathetic is the loser who's impressed with such ignorant, criminal, misogynist, and perhaps fictitious bogus tales (Billy Bush).

Trump is trying to use the 'locker room' excuse as a way to imply "all men do it."  No they don't!!!  The vast majority of men are offended by such comments and all Trump is trying to do is cover his caboose by giving all men a bad name.  Donald Trump, you don't speak for me.  From the bottom of my heart, "Shut up, you jackass!"