Be Grateful for Losers

On Sunday, after I spent most of the morning with my kids at the Science Museum, followed by a trip to Cosetta's to get the hot beef sandwich, I got home, laid down for an hour and realized the Minnesota Vikings had played a game.  I opened up my sports app on my phone, saw they lost, closed it and went about my day.

Seriously, that's all I cared about; what was the score, and done.  At no point leading up to the game did I jump on social media and taunt any other team's fan base.  The Vikings had played the Chicago Bears, but Bears fans are not very vocal in my life.  I know there are some Bears fans around Minnesota, but none crossed my path after their team won.  My wife had an uncle who lived on the south side who was occasionally a pain in the ass, but he would only poke during, and right after, a game, and ONLY when the Vikings and Bears played each other.

I knew what was coming.  Even though the Vikings did not play them, the Green Bay Packers, a team whose fan base (by their own comments) seems to have some seriously deep rooted personal problems, started insulting and berating me, unprovoked.  These people do this EVERY weekend, regardless of whether or not the Packers and Vikings played each other.

"You see we won and you lost?  That's because Aaron Rodgers is the greatest quarterback to ever play the game, and your team should be disbanded.  No one can deny how great the Green Bay franchise is, and how great the fans are.  We are seriously the best fans ever!  We never quit! We always stand by our team! WE HAVE SUPER BOWL TITLES AND YOU GUYS HAVE NEVER WON ANYTHING!"

The Green Bay Packers have had a remarkable run.  Buoyed by two of the better quarterbacks to ever play (but neither the best ever) they've had a multiple decades run which has brought Wisconsin a lot of pride, and some Super Bowls.  The Green Bay Packers fill a major hole in Wisconsinites lives because, and I'm not joking, they don't seem to have ANYTHING else.

Now let me get this out of the way.  There are quite a few crazed Vikings fans too.  Undeniably, but what I'm about to describe in regards to how the Packers fans behave is probably something you can relate to.

My wife has a lot of Wisconsin relatives, so beginning in the mid-90's I started spending time in Wisconsin.  I'll never forget the first time I went and hung out with them.  We arrived on Friday night, where I spent three hours getting ripped because I was a lowly Vikings fan, and they were the fans of the greatest team who ever walked the earth.  Then, on Saturday no conversation was more than three sentences away from a Packers comment or anti-Vikings comment.  The entire weekend, no matter who I talked with; it was relentless.  Then on Sunday, we went to church and then immediately walked from church into the local bar to watch the Packers play someone.  Every play which was great was "a testament to the franchise." Every play that wasn't was greeted with jeers and cat calls about how the referees were always robbing their team.  On that Sunday, the testaments beat out the outrages and the Packers won, which was followed by FOUR HOURS of everyone reliving every play of the game.  We left around 7 PM, but not before I got a fresh round of "your team sucks."

THIS WAS THE FIRST WEEKEND I WAS MEETING HER FAMILY!  To be fair, there was one person who did not partake in this insanity, my wife's grandmother, who could care less about sports. I liked visiting her.

Year after year after year after year.  This family, or this other family, or a friend, or at a reunion.  It didn't matter.  No matter the occasion, no matter the time of year, Packers, Packers, Packers!  I was told repeatedly I was not a "good fan," something I still have no idea what that means.  Even at my grandmother-in-laws funeral, they couldn't help themselves, stumbling back to Packers talk until I told them to stop.  They said "It's not our fault your team sucks," to which I replied "we're at a funeral you asses.  Give it a rest!"  They actually had to think about it before realizing they'd be best to shut up.

I've visited friends across the state of Minnesota. I've stayed with rabid Minnesota Vikings, Twins, Wild, T-wolves, Golden Gopher and even UMD fans.  I've NEVER had anything close to that happen in Minnesota, let alone every single time I went to visit.  I've been to other parts of the country and stayed with fans of other sports teams.  Even Yankees fans hang up the fandom eventually.  Not the Packers fans.

I don't visit Wisconsin anymore.  It's just too sad.

"How is your family?" "You just don't want to talk about how great the Packers are!"

"How's work going?" "Not as good as the Packers are doing, but I have a shot at the company tickets next month!"

"How are your kids doing?" "They're great because they're Packers fans...well, actually they're struggling in school and don't have a lot of focus, but they sure seem to focus on Sundays when the Packers play!"

I've tried to start off conversations with "yep, the Packers are a great franchise, FAR more storied than the Vikings.  You have a lot to be proud of."  Instead of defusing the rantings, they almost tear up and talk even louder about their team, with a pride like they've converted me to their religion.

I have a great life.  I have great kids, a great wife, a great house, and a great job.  I live in an AMAZING city with great restaurants, great museums, great concerts and great attractions.  Am I fan of the local sports teams?  Sure, but they're exactly what they should be to me, parsley on the plate of life.  I'll pay a little closer attention if the team is doing better, but I don't have Vikings purple on the house.  I will not be buried in a Vikings casket.  I will not allow every conversation I have to be tethered to the daily worshipping of a freaking sports team.  Only pathetic losers do that.

The Packers are a storied franchise.  Sure, prior to Farve becoming their QB there were A LOT of empty seats in the stadium.  After the team drops back to the rest of the field there will be empty seats again.  I'm concerned about what happens to these fans when that does happen because this seems to be all these people have to be proud of.  The Green Bay Packers are the only brightness in most of these people's lives.

A toast, to the Minnesota Vikings.  Don't ever change.  Continue to play slightly above average.  I'd sure hate to see this city devolve if they, or any of the other local sports franchises, ever did start to consistently win.