Alcoholic is a wide ranging term. It can refer to the person who's hopelessly consumed by alcohol, incapable of anything outside of their quest for more liquor, but it can also be used to describe me. I was a normal guy who just liked having a drink every once in awhile, then every few days, then every night, then some afternoons. The natural stresses of life started to pile up and alcohol was an easy device to mellow me out, until I started looking forward to the next drink instead of enjoying the drink I just had. I didn't get busted for DWI or get fired from my job, but I knew if I continued down the path I was on, it would only be a matter of time. I made the decision to quit on my own.
Nothing is ever so linear. There were other reasons my alcohol intake was a problem, but I'll leave those for another day.
Giving up alcohol is not easy, especially in a country which seems to be trying to pour the booze down your gullet. We're so programmed to want booze we don't realize how drinking is sold to us as 'a necessary part of your lives.' Tough day at work? How about a few drinks! Relationship problems? Alcohol will turn your frown upside down! Having a get together with friends? Well everyone should bring a six pack!
Holidays are the toughest. Most us us have memories of a nice glass of wine with the meal, or a hot toddy with dessert. It was the hardest hurdle I had to jump to finally get past alcohol's deceptive nature.
Sports pushes an astounding amount of liquor on it's viewers. Drinks at the game with liquor ads everywhere you look, the near demand to go drink the game away at a sports bar disguised as a family friendly venue, and the broadcast itself, drenched in liquor ads, each one implying good times and hot fun are only a drink away. You don't realize how much liquor is marketed towards you in sports until you quit drinking. You're gobsmacked when you finally take inventory of it.
I want to be VERY clear; I do not think people who drink are bad people. On the contrary, drink up if you don't have a problem with addiction. That's your right, and alcohol has been part of our culture since the first groups of humans started to get together in communities. But if alcohol is becoming one of the more important things in your life, then you probably need to step away.
The decision to quit was mine. I woke up in late summer of 2013 and realized if I didn't stop drinking, it was only a matter of time before I lost. I don't consider myself a particularly vicious alcoholic, but it still took me months to completely stop (outside of communion at church). I knew some things had to be done, such as removing alcohol from the house and not getting myself into social situations where booze was around, tempting me (there are some friends I don't see nearly as much as I used to), but it had to be done. Even so, and with a very supportive family, it took me six months to finally be clear.
Let me put forward something to anyone thinking they need to sober up. I didn't quit with Alcoholics Anonymous. There are a lot of ways to quit drinking and AA is only one of them. I didn't go to a fancy expensive treatment clinic, nor did I enter into extensive therapy and group sessions. I did this my own way, and you can too, regardless of whether you embrace AA or if you take a different path.
AA is a fine organization, and for some people it's a literal life saver. I tried it three times, and each time I had a horrific experience which only made things worse. It also bothered me greatly when I would talk with a recovering AA alcoholic, and I'd mention I wasn't sure if AA would work for me personally, they'd give me the AA ultimatum; 'Either you go do AA with me, or stop bothering me!' That's not a support ideology I agree with. AA works for many people, but it's one of many options.
I had a neighbor who was recovering with AA who did help, never judging me for not swearing to the AA code. Larry gave me some great guidance, and I went to a sensational counselor, Bob, who taught me two codes which helped me greatly. The first one is simple:
- Love yourself
- Love others in your life
- And have others love you in return
I've been lucky enough to have all three of those from the beginning. Surrounding yourself with people who want to see you get better makes quitting a lot easier.
The other thing which Bob told me to do is to always have the following three things in my life:
- Exercise, or at least moderate physical activity
- Embrace whatever you believe in as a higher power (or for atheists, find something you enjoy which gives your life a smile, and do it on a regular basis)
- Regularly talk with someone about your recovery.
The last one is so important. It's never good to go through life avoiding talking about your main struggles. I talk with my counselor on a regular basis (Bob retired last year and so now I meet with another fine counselor, David), and I talk with my kids on a regular basis too. It's been very important letting them have a path of communication to me, giving them an outlet. It's important for them to see you working to make yourself better. It's made me a better dad.
Final thoughts on this. If you are drinking too much:
You're making some really horrible choices, you probably don't realize it.
Ask yourself if drinking is an unhealthy vehicle you use to avoid the uncomfortable things in life.
You will be shocked at how much better your mind works in the months after you quit drinking.
You'll be healthier almost immediately after quitting.
Quit and you'll save an insane amount of money.
I'm done preaching. Go live your own life, one that I hope makes you smile. Mine does.
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