Big Money

Tonight, someone's life will be changed forever, and mainly for the worse.  Tonight, someone will win the 1.5 billion dollar Powerball drawing.

I have my tickets.  Most people have theirs too, even though the odds are astronomical you'd actually win.  The lump sum cash payout would be 930 million, but if you took the monthly payout for 30 years, it'd register at somewhere around 4.16 million a month before taxes.  I think you will be able to pay your monthly bills, and your credit will be good too.  Go with the monthly payments.

Back in the mid-90's when I was trying to find a radio job and working comedy improv in the Twin Cities, I got to know a odd guy named Mark.  Mark and I, both being older than the rest of the improv children (he in his late 30's and me in my late 20's), found ourselves gravitating towards each other in conversations.  He was always real quiet about what he did and where he was from.

After a few months, we went out for coffee one night and he shared his backstory.  He'd won the lottery ten years earlier, a big one too.  He would't tell me how much, but eluded to it being substantial.  He talked with a bitterness which flowed heavy under his tone.  He said never having to worry about money is great, but within months of winning, he'd lost his marriage, most of his friends and ended up walking away from his life.

When he'd won, to celebrate, he took a big group of his friends out to Vegas for a high rollers vacation.  The total cost for the trip, for 15 people, was 700K, for only six days!  It made him realize how fragile his wealth really was.  Sure he had a lot of it, but it would be gone pretty damn quick if he did that too often.  Problem was, everyone now expected that sort of extravagance to be the norm.

His wife got twisted by the money, starting an affair with one of his friends almost immediately, and demanding half of the winnings in the divorce.  They both walked away with eight figures.  After he signed the divorce papers, he went home, put all of his family items into storage, packed two bags, went to the nearest airport, and disappeared.

Five years after the divorce settlement, his wife sued him again.  After burning through most of her half, she wanted more.  After the courts laughed her away, she then begged him for more money.  As he described it, she was groveling in the courthouse, pleading with him to help her, as her second husband had taken off and left her with the two kids.  He said he'd talk to his lawyer and be in touch.  He never was.  He changed his name and moved again.  He said he didn't trust anyone.

That was the last time I ever saw him.  He never showed up for any more improv shows.  After a few weeks, I looked him up.  The bell for the apartment listed for him had no name next to the buzzer, and no one ever answered.

I think his story is pretty common.  If you do win one of these massive payouts, your life is over as you know it.  You're not going to able to lead the life you had the moment before you stuck it rich.  You have to walk away from your job, friends, community and even your family.  Your kids have to be all gathered up and taken out of school, cutting ties with their friends.  Pack your bags, get out of your house, lock the doors and put up no trespassing signs.  Too many people want your money and will do anything to get it, even murder.  You have to disappear.  Think of it as a witness relocation program, but with the one benefit of being able to afford anything you want while you're hiding out.

There are two sides to every coin.  Good luck tonight...and be careful for what you wish for.