All the Single Ladies...and Single Men too...

Every once in awhile, my wife and I ask each other a question:  What did we used to do with all of our time?  As we have three kids, our schedules are tremendously busy, or so I thought.  Then my wife went out of town for 10 days, and I realized how good we had it.  Single parents need to get a tremendous amount of respect and acknowledgement for the hectic schedules they lead.  In today's world, the schedule they have to maintain is often glossed over and minimized, but after my week, let me salute single parents who do it right.

It's been a long time since I've had to watch all three kids by myself for more than a few hours, and the only times I'd done it prior to last week was for an overnight.  I knew this was going to be a challenge, but it was an eye-opener.  As I realized I had four hours of work and household things to do every evening and only 15 minutes to get it done, I did a silent salute for all those who do this day in and day out.  Some observations:

Twice this last week, I actually forgot what day it was.  I was so busy running around, the days had become a blur.  I knew it was bad when I got up on Saturday and frantically tried to get ready for the radio show I was convinced I was late for.

The reason the days run together is because the schedule is relentless.  When you're alone and having to manage kids, it's constant, a thudding beat in the back of your mind.  I needed to start keeping multiple lists:  places the kids needed to be, food I was going to make, household tasks needing to get done, work tasks I needed to do, phone calls I needed to make, and shopping lists I needed to fulfill.  I'm good at keeping a lot of balls in the air at once, but this was a real challenge, with a lot of scrambling and too many drops.

I'm usually critical when I see kids staring at a glowing rectangle, the modern version of a robotic babysitter.  I've often looked down upon those parents (unfairly) for seeming to put a screen in front of their child's face to pacify them and limit any undo interaction.  I know there are crappy parents who indeed do that, but I now realize there are many single parents who need a child to entertain themselves for an hour while the parent makes dinner, cleans up, takes a shower or even grabs a nap.  I've learned my lesson.  Before I get too critical in the future, I'll ask if that kid entertaining themselves is helping a single or stressed parent get basic tasks done.

Same goes for food.  My wife and I cook the majority of the food our kids eat, and that usually doesn't mean pre-processed food.  Three times, I've had to forgo formalities and pick up fast, convenient food for the kids without worrying about the nutritional value.  This wasn't me being lazy.   There just wasn't time to do anything else, and to ensure my kids ate something, I got them food to go.  I do think there are many parents who become too dependent on pre-made food, but if I don't know the circumstances, then I shouldn't judge their choices either.

Non-work adult interaction gets scarce.  I ended up talking to a mom next to me at the Science Museum yesterday and I could even hear the conversation go from friendly to needy.  She left quickly.  This is what makes social media good and bad.  It's good because it allows you to visit friends during the day without it being too disruptive, but it's not a replacement for real face to face human interaction, something mostly absent from my life the last ten days.

Dating, for responsible single parents, has got to be extremely difficult.  Single parents want to go out, have fun and party, but rarely do those two worlds mesh.  It's got to be a logistical nightmare at times, with the perpetual queries of how much do you bring the child into your dating life, and your dating life to your children, giving you fits.

And this has not even gotten to daily hiccups or long term problems which overwhelm.  The last thing a stressed out parent needs is a wrench thrown in the works, and for a single parent, it creates impossible to win choices which you'll never feel good about.

Friday night, for the first time in decades, I had a real bad migraine headache and I was just exhausted.  The stress had gotten to me, and it had only been a week, not 18 years.  I apologize to single parents.  I haven't given you nearly enough credit.  I have a new appreciation for anyone who does this on their own and eventually sends off into the world well adjusted young adults.  Since this is the society we are going to have, we need to make it one which tries to mold itself to the demands and challenges of single parents, just as much as we do for married couples.